For some reason, a few weeks ago I started thinking that maybe I should trade in my car for a newer one. My current car is six years old, but in excellent shape since we’re religious about servicing it, and it’s pretty much my dream car. (Well, okay, this one is, but my Volvo is the runner up.) So why would I start checking out every station wagon I see, picturing myself behind the wheel, and wondering what the trade-in value is on my car? I love my car, for crying out loud!
When all of the most important parts of my life are also in excellent shape, have I been thinking about a new freaking car because I always want to be moving forward, getting better in some way? And what, a car is easier than trying to become a better wife and mother or taking steps toward a more satisfying career or getting in shape or learning something or doing something? Is that it? A car is easy? STUFF is easy?
What happened to me? When I lived in Cleveland, I had a bumper sticker on the back of my car (also several years old, also well taken-care-of, also loved) that read “Want Less”. So simple. But even then, when my financial circumstances required that I want less, it was really, really hard to remember. A girl at the office had a wardrobe that I coveted. I was a cosmetics enthusiast even then. The things I really wanted then were the things I have now: an adventure and a family. When I got those things I was supposed to keep trying to want less of that wardrobe, that makeup, and so on. But I forgot. I moved to Sweden with one suitcase and was perfectly happy with the stuff inside of it and the tiny apartment chock full of love that still had room for those things. And I had the man who owned the apartment. And I was in a new world, learning every day and wanting very little. And then I got a job and I guess that’s when I started forgetting to want less. I could want more.
Well I’m tired. Wanting a different car made me feel icky. Looking at a blouse in my closet with the tag still on that doesn’t even look that great on me and that I bought because it was on sale and I just wanted to buy something makes me feel icky. The time I spend staring at my wallpaper and wanting to change it is not helping me move forward. New wallpaper would most certainly not make me better in any way.
I have no need for any more stuff. I’m going back to wanting less. All I want now is experiences. Knowledge. To become better.
That’s until I can afford the Tesla, anyway.